Self Reflection

November 20, 2015

As a child I was bullied. I can’t even tell you how hard this is for me to admit. Only a few of my closest friends know this and it’s not something I openly talk about. I think i’ve been actually unwilling to come face to face with it because, I’m a different person now. I’m strong, I’m successful, I’ve built and empowering business, I’ve traveled the world,  I have amazing friends and I proved to all those mean kids that I am not stupid. So why should I, why should I dive back into those painful times. The times where I would hide in a secret backroom in the school bathroom and cry my eyes out because nobody liked me, to the 100’s of lunches that I spent by myself because no one wanted to play with me, why in the world would I go back to a time where my mom would pick her 8 year old daughter at school and everyday she would say, I hate my life, why is it so hard and why does everyone hate me? Who in their right and logical mind would ever want to go back to a place filled with so much pain and shame?

Over the last few months, I have been doing a lot of digging, searching and a lot of trying to understand why I do the things that I do. Why do I often neglect my needs, why do I put everyone in front of me, and why can’t I make the big leap into the greatness I’ve always wanted for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, life is good, I have everything I need, I love what I do, I have the love of my life and I have more ambition that I know what to do with. Everything looks good, sounds good, but something is missing, something big.

I’ve always been a dreamer, from as long as I can remember, my mother told me I could be whoever I wanted to be and if I put my mind to it, I could make anything happen. Thank god for that, because I don’t think I would have had the strength to follow my passion. She said don’t follow the money, follow your heart, so that’s what I did.

I followed my passion and I never gave up, but along the way I got lost. Although I was following my art, it became about surviving, and instead of making art for myself, I began making art to impress other people. Something special was put away, because I needed to make a living, I needed to survive, and so everything and everyone else became more important than me.

I am so proud of the business I built. I have put my heart and soul into it. I think one of the reasons I have done so well, is because of my pure and authentic passion to show women how beautiful they are. Because of the adversity I experienced, I have always had this deep visceral feeling that It’s my purpose to make women feel good about themselves because that was something that was missing for me and maybe on many levels still is. I see my beauty and my strength through my clients everyday. I believe that by reminding my clients that they need to start loving themselves more, I am clearing reminding myself.

I have some BIG dreams in front of me, so in order for me to take the big leap am I taking the big plunge. The deep plunge into the pain, and the shame of the the little girl who never felt liked or heard. So I write this because I want to take you on my journey, my journey of pushing through the pain and to the front of my creative genius.

I hope that my continued shameless honesty and venerability will  inspire you to go out and find your cause, your passion and your voice!

With Love, Marisa

self reflection

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