I’ve never been one to hold on to a lot of baggage. I made a decision at an early age that I would tackle anything that confronted me, threatened my existence, or prevented me from living an authentic life. I spent many years looking backwards into my past, and taking it out on my future. I dug deep to peel away layers and get face to face with my insecurities. I thought I had put them to bed, said goodnight and that I had gone on to dream about my new wonderful life.
Those lovely little voices always seem to come back with a vengeance. Over the last month, some really confronting things have occurred. I seem to have found undiscovered areas of my life where I have yet to let go. Those thoughts and feelings that I had squashed years ago, have slowly made their way up from the muddy ocean floor to the surface. Now they are smashing me in the face breaking me down.
These are some rough waters and to be honest, I’m not sure how to navigate them just yet. There are really only two choices. I can either figure out a way to swim though, or drown. I don’t give up. I don’t ever give up. It’s just not in my constitution. I guess I have my father to thank for that. My father showed me how to be thick-skinned, how to fight, how to win, and how to be brave. My dad was one tough dude. He claims that he never lost a fight. My dad was the type of guy who would say he never went looking for problems, yet somehow they always found him. I always thought that was funny. It never really made sense to me and when people say that, I just laugh, because it’s makes no flippin’ sense.
It means that you are not responsible for what you attract into your life and I just can’t get behind that notion.
My parents divorced when I was little. It was bad. There was horrible fighting. When my dad got mad, it was like seeing a raging bull running at a matador as if his life depended on it. When I think of my father being mad, I can see steam coming out of his ears. Quite a few events occurred throughout these very important subconscious-forming years that have shaped who I am today. They have shown their strong hold on me from time to time, but now… Now that I am finally in the relationship I have always wanted with the man I have always dreamed about, my daddy issues are back. Not only are they back but they have come to win, and I can’t have that. Here are three interesting facts about your subconscious mind that you should know.
1. Its sole purpose is to protect you and keep you safe. This evolutionary state brings about the fight or flight response. Every meaning you assigned to events and situations as a child was based on this postulate.
2. It has the cognitive level of a young child. Your subconscious mind has the mental capacity of a young child between the ages of 2 and 8. You are protected by a child!
3. It runs 95% of your daily life! Last but not least, your subconscious runs 95% of your daily life. On average, you are using your conscious mind only 5% of the time. Yet, don’t you expect 100% results of what you set out to accomplish? So there you go, your life is run by a scared child 95% of the time. Crazy shit, right?
I starting seeing a therapist this week so I can get to the bottom of this nonsense. I am here on this planet to learn, grow and evolve as much as I possibly can. I’m going to tackle any obstacle in my way,
I’m going to climb every scary mountain I can and I will push through every wave that knocks me down.
Failure will be involved. That is clear. I will get knocked down, but I am going to get back up every time because every time I get up I’m stronger than I was before. I have learned more from my failures than I ever did from my “wins.”
I know this is a long share but my message here is that we are human, and we have to stop making ourselves feel wrong for things that have happened to us in the past. If we don’t, they will rule our lives till we lay down and die. We have to forgive ourselves, we have to love ourselves. I believe that we have tell that scared child daily that we ARE good enough, we are smart enough and that we deserve to be loved!
I share this story to hopefully inspire you to look deeper. Nobody has it all figured out. There is always room to grow and to learn new things about yourself. As long as we remain students, the more the universe will show us.
Letting go is a daily practice and it is up to us to notice the things in our life that do not serve us, do not help us and may hold us back. We need to release such people, thoughts, emotions, and ways of being on a regular basis. We need to set it all free so WE can be free!
Every now and then I get this itch to. This strange itch to ignore everything I am doing and say f** it, I want to create something cool. It’s usually around the time I have a million things I have to do, especially on like a day like today. A day where I have over 100 photos to retouch.
I should probably walk about from the computer and take a break, but instead I go on a 2 hours mission to make some photo art. I will probably be up till crazy hours anyways and now I have something something special to take away from today.
I’ve had this image in my head for a long time, so I’m happy I finally did. I’m pretty in LOVE with it. I see a series coming!
Oh the joys of Los Angeles….
I am excited to announce that Boudoir Los Angeles will be appearing on the Shahs of Sunset tonight. It’s been over 6 months since I filmed this episode, so truth be told I am just wee nervous about how it’s all going to look. I do remember thinking I did the best I could, especially with a film crew around me and a few other challenges, so I am truly hoping I will be pleasantly surprised.
If you want to see some sexy Boudoir with the Shahs of Sunset at our L’Cheriyve studio, tune into Bravo tonight at 9 to see a live photoshoot with yours truly.
I’m not sure if I am able to post any photos yet, so I’ll follow up tomorrow with all the lovely boudoir photos Mercedes Javid chose.
When buying from an artist maker, you are more than just an object / photograph. You are buying hundreds of hours of failures and experimentation. You are buying days, weeks, months of frustration and moments of pure joy. You aren’t just buying a piece of heart, a part of soul, a moment in someones life. Most importantly you’re buying the artist more time to do something they are passionate about.
Modern glamour photography does not have to be in a fluffy dress with over the top make-up. Modern glamour photography can be just as sexy in your favorite pair of blue jeans and a white tank. It all depends on you! What do you feel sexy in? Don’t feel like you need to show up with outfits that are totally out of your comfort zone. Have you been holding out on booking a session because you can’t possibly imagine yourself in the outfits you so often see in boudoir and intimate photography sessions? Book a glamour session and show up with your favorite outfits that make you feel like you! As I have said many times before, every woman deserves a beautiful photo of herself and that photo does not have to be in your lingerie to be HOT!